First post for the year 2014! Bonjour!
Things are a little messed up lately though it's only the starting of the year. I mean like so many things going on, the homeworks, the burden, the expectations and so on, plain tiring. Always hoping to show the best performance on field and in the class but consistency is not something that you van achieve within days. It takes time and discipline. Hahaha, me talking about discipline. Anyway, just felt like expressing some of my emotion here. May all the odds be in my favour. Voila!
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Friday, 6 December 2013
Thursday, 7 November 2013
#61
Well, it took me a long time to write this thing down. Not because I didn't want but cos I was just too lazy to write it down and I'm too afraid of what I'm thinking. Yeah, exams are over but the the result are not out yet. Practically, I did kinda bad in the final year exam, I screw up all of it. My parents are totally worried about the outcome and I'm here going all o-k-a-y when I'm actually not. I somehow kinda regret what I did earlier this year, getting busy, not entering classes, not doing extra exercise and etc. In the end, I'm the one who lose out. I'm the one who failed to achieve what I wanted. I'm the one ended up getting depressed. I;m afraid if I was to go down to any other classes, I will blend in with them and actually be like them and get mediocre results.
Not to mention about me being the chief editor. It's far worse. I am actually the mess in the team. The rotten one. I didn't bring my team well enough. I was not strict. I was too playful and I'm the one ended up being stressed. I am kinda sad that I had not been a good leader for the team since the prefect's incident the other day. So many works to do yet I feel like I have given up being the chief editor, demotivated and I feel like just leaving the team like that. Yeah, my selection as the chief was chosen by my friends who playfully wanted to pick on me. Its not like there's anyone who trusted me enough to bring this year's magazine. How would you feel if you know your friend can actually bring better than you and yet you are the one who still insist that you want to bring the team? Hm, I still think that I can actually bring the team though there have been countless time I feel like giving up and I have actually given up before but I gather all those remaining pieces of strength that I have and brace up myself to bring the team back.
Lately, I have been stressed up more frequent than usual. Sounds like I'm stressed up throughout the whole year. Hahahaha, lol. When I'm stressed up, the worse part is, it will lead to depression and when that happens, all those nonsensical ideas will pop up. I hate being depressed. You will not feel happy no matter whatever happens and all you wanna do is actually break down. Trust me, there has been countless time I did like to break down and shed down my tears. It might be because I'm weak or I just can't handle it anymore. All those pressure, expectations and stress. But I will still hold it back inside me to avoid showing I'm actually weak. And I learnt that in the end, you will only have yourself for you. Imma going for a convention next week and tons of work need to be done. Till next time, bye.
Not to mention about me being the chief editor. It's far worse. I am actually the mess in the team. The rotten one. I didn't bring my team well enough. I was not strict. I was too playful and I'm the one ended up being stressed. I am kinda sad that I had not been a good leader for the team since the prefect's incident the other day. So many works to do yet I feel like I have given up being the chief editor, demotivated and I feel like just leaving the team like that. Yeah, my selection as the chief was chosen by my friends who playfully wanted to pick on me. Its not like there's anyone who trusted me enough to bring this year's magazine. How would you feel if you know your friend can actually bring better than you and yet you are the one who still insist that you want to bring the team? Hm, I still think that I can actually bring the team though there have been countless time I feel like giving up and I have actually given up before but I gather all those remaining pieces of strength that I have and brace up myself to bring the team back.
Lately, I have been stressed up more frequent than usual. Sounds like I'm stressed up throughout the whole year. Hahahaha, lol. When I'm stressed up, the worse part is, it will lead to depression and when that happens, all those nonsensical ideas will pop up. I hate being depressed. You will not feel happy no matter whatever happens and all you wanna do is actually break down. Trust me, there has been countless time I did like to break down and shed down my tears. It might be because I'm weak or I just can't handle it anymore. All those pressure, expectations and stress. But I will still hold it back inside me to avoid showing I'm actually weak. And I learnt that in the end, you will only have yourself for you. Imma going for a convention next week and tons of work need to be done. Till next time, bye.
Saturday, 14 September 2013
#60
Somehow, maybe things weren't meant to last forever. Maybe it was just temporary, maybe it was never meant to be at all but accidentally it happened. Anyhow, our relationship didn't go well as expected. I knew I came off as clingy and moody lately & I changed a lot. My changes has led to many fights and it makes you tired of me being cranky, moody, emoish and so on. The memories we made, it will always be kept safely somewhere no one could open it except the person who made it. The promises we made, practically it was bullshit maybe or maybe we make promises that we can't promise. I wouldn't know if you are reading my blog but if , I have something dedicated for you.
Alis Nur Shafeeza binti Azizi, my life changed when I met you for the first time during F1 National Level 2012. We weren't that close initially but somehow over the holiday, we got close, so close and when I was in hostel, I called you every night using the public phone for the first month. Then, I got my phone and brought to school, we did talk every night. I still remembered the moment where you cried because you didn't talk to me for three days. Hahaha, cute relationship I suppose? Well, we started calling each other by all the sweet names when I declared you were my part time bestfriend & part time girlfriend. The date 28/4 was the date we got together as a couple. Things went on smoothly for the first two months, entered the third month, we started to drift slowly and things just went wrong since there. Though we are miles apart sometime, I was still able to experience our first date on the 15/8. My first date to be exact. Hahaha, then you had your trials and both of us were busy but I was still too clingy, expecting for your attention till I annoyed you. The day came where we have to be apart maybe, 8/9. Guess it was the best for both of us to continue with our life though it had been a week since then. So yeah, I did like to say sorry for everything that I have done and may your days become easier with all the challenges coming through. You're a smart girl, funny, always cheerful and smiling but behind that smile, only a few knows what pain lies behind it and I have known a few of your dark side but I still insisted to stay because I love you. You are a brave girl and always up for a challenge. Take care of your health cos you fall sick easily and never regret the things you have done :) Life is a learning experience. If fated again, somewhere, somehow, somewhen, we will cross our path again and fall in love again maybe as husband and wife eh? Hahaha, till then, bye peeps.
Alis Nur Shafeeza binti Azizi, my life changed when I met you for the first time during F1 National Level 2012. We weren't that close initially but somehow over the holiday, we got close, so close and when I was in hostel, I called you every night using the public phone for the first month. Then, I got my phone and brought to school, we did talk every night. I still remembered the moment where you cried because you didn't talk to me for three days. Hahaha, cute relationship I suppose? Well, we started calling each other by all the sweet names when I declared you were my part time bestfriend & part time girlfriend. The date 28/4 was the date we got together as a couple. Things went on smoothly for the first two months, entered the third month, we started to drift slowly and things just went wrong since there. Though we are miles apart sometime, I was still able to experience our first date on the 15/8. My first date to be exact. Hahaha, then you had your trials and both of us were busy but I was still too clingy, expecting for your attention till I annoyed you. The day came where we have to be apart maybe, 8/9. Guess it was the best for both of us to continue with our life though it had been a week since then. So yeah, I did like to say sorry for everything that I have done and may your days become easier with all the challenges coming through. You're a smart girl, funny, always cheerful and smiling but behind that smile, only a few knows what pain lies behind it and I have known a few of your dark side but I still insisted to stay because I love you. You are a brave girl and always up for a challenge. Take care of your health cos you fall sick easily and never regret the things you have done :) Life is a learning experience. If fated again, somewhere, somehow, somewhen, we will cross our path again and fall in love again maybe as husband and wife eh? Hahaha, till then, bye peeps.
Sunday, 25 August 2013
#59
Have you ever heard the word deep shit? Well, I'm in that current condition right now. In a very bad shape and probably a dark future which I'm not hoping for it but considering it for the outcome. Hahahaha, didn't expect my team to be selected for the Southern Zone Regional Finals and at the same time I'm going for National Robotics Competition. So dead._. and happen to the dates were in the following order and that saved my life instead of choosing which one to enter and put me into a bigger trouble. Entering both. Well, all I need now is some luck and miracles in succeeding both of it, sounds hard but if enough hard work is poured into it, wouldn't the outcome be great? Entering there and those competition all over the place, I need to balance my studies though and that's why it is putting a large toll onto me. Kbye.
Monday, 5 August 2013
#58
Friends? What do they mean to you? Fake Friends? Real Friends?
Bullshits of life. I am not an optimist nor pessimist. I am just plain neutral.
Living a life surrounded by fake friends, you can't even determine who is
your real friend. It is bad, a bad life which will turn out to be a type of
depression. Suggesting about playing along with becoming friends with
the fake friends? It's just stupid, real stupid and failing actor you're.
Why do you need to fake a friendship first of all? If your friend really cares
about you, they won't ask for your help during their bad times only. If your friend
really wants to talk to you, it wouldn't be you who will be the one starting the
conversation first. If they really meant something/someone to you, they wouldn't
leave you out of their planning. Most friendships are fake, find a true friendship.
Bullshits of life. I am not an optimist nor pessimist. I am just plain neutral.
Living a life surrounded by fake friends, you can't even determine who is
your real friend. It is bad, a bad life which will turn out to be a type of
depression. Suggesting about playing along with becoming friends with
the fake friends? It's just stupid, real stupid and failing actor you're.
Why do you need to fake a friendship first of all? If your friend really cares
about you, they won't ask for your help during their bad times only. If your friend
really wants to talk to you, it wouldn't be you who will be the one starting the
conversation first. If they really meant something/someone to you, they wouldn't
leave you out of their planning. Most friendships are fake, find a true friendship.
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
#57
Hiiii, it's been a few months since I last blogged. Got the urged to blog before but then the mood to write disappears right away. Well, for the past 2 months, I have been for the HKSBP English Debate, Asean Youth Camp 2013 and Rugby SBP 10. It's been a tiring month but well enjoyed. Kinda miss the moments there, but the memories are well cherished in my brain x) Hahaha, the ASYC was awesome. Managed to mingle with people around and get to know friends from different countries. SBP 10 was unexpected either. We managed to defeat KUSSESS, IKUPS & SEHEBAT and got champion for our group. Play off cup/plate against MCKK. The best game ever yet we loss since our standoff and props got injured but we managed to hold them back for the first 10 minutes. It sure felt long :3 Now, I need to focus on my studies which seems I haven't given my full concentration yet and next week I'm going for National Robotics Competition 2013. My last NRC for my NRC career. Hoping to win the state level and national level thus representing Malaysia in WRO 2013 in Jakarta, Indonesia. Life has been hard lately. A lot of problems arising, worrying too much and so on. I have been treating my girlfriend harshly lately I guess and yeah, I feel very guilty for doing that. Stupid over-thinking -.- The ease I'm feeling right now after pouring everything that I wanna say into my blog feels great :) Maya Angelou once stated 'There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you'. Anyway, I still have tons and tons of works to be done. Will be blogging again If I have any free time, till then, bye peeps.
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