#61

Well, it took me a long time to write this thing down. Not because I didn't want but cos I was just too lazy to write it down and I'm too afraid of what I'm thinking. Yeah, exams are over but the the result are not out yet. Practically, I did kinda bad in the final year exam, I screw up all of it. My parents are totally worried about the outcome and I'm here going all o-k-a-y when I'm actually not. I somehow kinda regret what I did earlier this year, getting busy, not entering classes, not doing extra exercise and etc. In the end, I'm the one who lose out. I'm the one who failed to achieve what I wanted. I'm the one ended up getting depressed. I;m afraid if I was to go down to any other classes, I will blend in with them and actually be like them and get mediocre results.

Not to mention about me being the chief editor. It's far worse. I am actually the mess in the team. The rotten one. I didn't bring my team well enough. I was not strict. I was too playful and I'm the one ended up being stressed. I am kinda sad that I had not been a good leader for the team since the prefect's incident the other day. So many works to do yet I feel like I have given up being the chief editor, demotivated and I feel like just leaving the team like that. Yeah, my selection as the chief was chosen by my friends who playfully wanted to pick on me. Its not like there's anyone who trusted me enough to bring this year's magazine. How would you feel if you know your friend can actually bring better than you and yet you are the one who still insist that you want to bring the team? Hm, I still think that I can actually bring the team though there have been countless time I feel like giving up and I have actually given up before but I gather all those remaining pieces of strength that I have and brace up myself to bring the team back.

Lately, I have been stressed up more frequent than usual. Sounds like I'm stressed up throughout the whole year. Hahahaha, lol. When I'm stressed up, the worse part is, it will lead to depression and when that happens, all those nonsensical ideas will pop up. I hate being depressed. You will not feel happy no matter whatever happens and all you wanna do is actually break down. Trust me, there has been countless time I did like to break down and shed down my tears. It might be because I'm weak or I just can't handle it anymore. All those pressure, expectations and stress. But I will still hold it back inside me to avoid showing I'm actually weak. And I learnt that in the end, you will only have yourself for you. Imma going for a convention next week and tons of work need to be done. Till next time, bye.